I'm really not coping today. I hate my brain. I hate my depression. There's no cure. I'm stuck like this forever. I take my meds, I go to counselling, I finally have a job where I'm treated with respect, I'm finally in a relationship with someone I've loved for over a decade. But I'm still broken. I'm still anxious. I'm still depressed. I'm still fighting not to hurt myself or do something stupid. I'm so tired, I'm so fed up. I've tried so hard for so many years and I never feel better. This is hell. I just want to be okay. #mentalhealth#depression#anxiety#struggling#notcoping
As seen yesterday I've been on rampage to #livelifetothefullest on MY terms. So I got some #courage to go into a #massageparlor and ask for prices and stuff. I do fancy going soon and playing there but the ladies there. Wow. Like they remind me of my ex who was a #poledancer /#stripper /model. First time we spent time together I got goose bumps. I got butterflies. I've got butterflies now. So now my #anxiety is like dude what the fuck. They work to give you a good time, they aren't looking for friendship. And if you want more then their services, you shouldn't waste your time. It will end badly. I think there's a part of me that wants to know; can I still pull models/#porngirls and popular #sexual ly positive women like I used to. I think- some fucking cunt just distracted me from my point. I'm near #menarena and some cunt in a car set of a loud bang. Wanna hear a punchline? The car driver was Asian. Idiot. Anyway. I hope with a good support team, I'll be able to do what I want and have the #confidence to approach whoever I want. Very soon. #lawofattraction#socialanxiety#selfesteem#polyamory#swingers#sex
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an introduction of sorts to myself and a selection of my physical maladies.
also; a short story on back pain: i had to walk around 10km everyday for camp last year, and when i told a teacher i was having back pain in response to her asking if i was okay (when i was in visible distress), she said, and i quote, "wait until you're older and then you'll know what real back pain is." like... i have severe scoliosis and mild osteoporosis on record in my school file, but thank you for assuming millennials don't have health conditions, Glenda.
but no surprises lmao because her response to seeing me having a panic attack and telling her i had anxiety was "stop watching so many horror movies." truly, her ingenuity was completely wasted in such a small town.
••Turkey Pita, Alphabet Soup, Apple Slices, and Pretzels••💕 Hey friends! The wearer up here is absolutely crazy! It's been rain, snow, thunder, and sunshine. Basically the weather is totally doing a free for all. As for ED, well that's been okay. I've been struggling a bit to make sure I add enough and not skip out on calories. I'm having such a good time at college though, it's hard to keep remembering that I have to put myself first. I know I can do it, it's just a bit of a challenge 😅 #anorexia#edrecovery#eatingdisorder#depressed#eatingdisorderrecovery#anorexiarecovery#anxiety#depression
This Oakley and PJ. Oakley is a rescue dog with a lot of trust issues. He's been with his wonderful family a long time but is still scared of people. He would always hide when I came to play with him. His parents decided to bring him a little brother to help him relax. PJ is just a puppy but so well behaved and sweet. Oakley was excited to go for a walk with his little buddy. Everyone needs a PJ in their life. Be someone's PJ. #dogs#dogstagram#dogsofinstagram#anxiety#rescuedog
Just a last minute reminder about Ride Away Stigma happening this weekend. I have been pretty silent with this ride and I'm grateful for an awesome team of people who have stepped in. What I am most grateful is for all of you for giving me the courage to know it is okay to struggle and it is most important to take care of yourself. When my depression returned this year instead of hiding in solitude, I knew I could reach out to family and friends for support. It has been challenging to step away from work and focus on myself. But I am so grateful even for this struggle happening again as I have learnt so much from this experience and seen how much change has happened in our society. I have also gained further awareness of how far we still need to go. I hope you are able to make it out to the park this weekend or able to donate to cause. Unfortunately I will not be there this year as I am preparing to return to work and want to get settled back into town. This journey of recovery has become a lot easier with all your support.