I'm not in control. 🤦🏽♂️
This realistic mantra has been the centre point of my meditation the last couple of days. It relates to various things and situations in my life however it has been sinking in ever so much lately out here.
The last couple of times I undertook this sadhana of doing dandavats around Giriraj, I had it planned out, kilometre to the meter of how many each day. 5 hours in the morning and another 5 in the evening no matter what the situation was. I rushed through them getting sick on the last occasion. And it has been a pleasure to see myself understand and witness the conclusion I have now come to. Just to surrender to Giriraj, take as long as I want, stopping and coversing with babas, really soaking in the bliss. This photo depicts my dilemma of wanting to pass through the busy narrow bazaar strip of Govardhan, but when I opened my door this is what I came out to. I grinned at the cheeky scenario I was put through and sat down to chant my japa first before going out and it was perfect. 💖
Darling, you are the one
born with galaxies and supernovas like fireworks in your eyes.
your fingers hold strength that mine will never know.
your bones carry prophecies that mine does not dare dream of.
i was only born with flower petals staining my cheeks pink and strange songs murmuring faintly in my heart.
i was only born with snatches of fool’s good trapped in my hair and gossamer tangled somewhere between my lungs and my ribs.
and darling, i do not mind
if your light is brighter your voice is louder your steps are stronger
i have always known, after all,
that your fate soars much higher than mine ever will
and it does not do to envy a demigod or an angel or a hero or a friend.
but darling, this i swear:
when they come for you (and they will, my darling, let’s not lie to ourselves to each other)
i will grind my teeth into bloodlust fangs.
i will file my nails into tigers’ claws.
darling, this i swear:
i will make poisons of the flowers in my cheeks
and spiderwebs of the gossamer torn from my chest.
i will teach my heart to beat to the rhythm of a battle drum.
and this, this i swear:
i will make them all face
the thin-edged broken glass s h a t t e r e d p i e c e s of myself.