Oh life gets really tiring. Every now and again. And it gets so hard keeping up. You just feel like being and not lifting a finger. You are tired of adulting, and everything that comes with it. For creatives it is worse. The constant use of our brains takes a toll on us. I cannot tell you I understand this process. Anyway.
Sometimes last week, Neter complained about how exhausted he is and how quite moody that has made him. I told him to stay above water. On my own hand, I had told a few persons who asked about my wellbeing of how I am just kinda "weary". That was the word I used. I must point out, that in the midst of all these, as adults, we still manage to go about our routine, and stay strong for those who need and love us, either because we can't afford to break their spirits with knowledge of our woes, or get them worried about us. On Sunday, having not heard from my friend since he complained, I called (severally), but there was no response. Somehow, that made me uneasy. Yesterday afternoon, we got to speak at length, and he mentioned how a person reached out to him, showing concern about his absence, and expressing how she misses the content she reads on his page.
Living for yourself and others (indirectly) is even tougher. Shout out to all mothers, fathers, guardians, good leaders, instructors, tutors, shepherds out there, who bear the responsibilities of being there and living for others. You may not understand how tough that is till you try. Wanting to stop, but knowing it's not all about you but others too, and therefore keeping on.
It is beautiful, when these other people appreciate you, and feed you back with care, appreciation, and support. It keeps you going. For it is evidence, that your efforts aren't just wasting.
So, when last night, Olawande buzzed me, and we had a chat (photos above), and she said these things, I smiled genuinely. Thanks darling. And to everyone who keeps up with me from time to time, YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING! Many thanks.
Shout out to everyone going through a hard time. Stay alive. Do your best. It will pass.
Love Always, Ayoola.
It's Goodnight From Me.
I AM NOT OVER HER
I am not over her.
I woke up staring at the designers suit hung in my room for my wedding and all I could think of is the girl I keep deceiving myself I am over and done with.
Her soft words and piercing light brown eyes still taunt me when I roll on the bed expecting my fingers to comb through her silky black tresses splayed seductively on the covers.
Tomorrow, I would be getting married to an ambitious woman I like and admire but one my soul has no sync with, yet the one that is the core of the beating of my heart I am desperately trying to get over.
I stupidly sent her pictures of my wife- to-be since we decided to keep in touch and inform each other when we moved on. I didn't even inform her I was dating someone again and now I sent her my wedding invitation and pictures of.....link in bio💜💜😘😘 (onashileomotolani.wordpress.com)
Image Credit: @algarinphoto
At the post office...sending these blessings off to a new home in Bradford. Can't wait for them to be in your hands...blessing you...😊😊🤗🤗. For everyone in Nigeria and outside Lagos...we are closing off with a distributor and the books should be available soon. Thank you for your patience.
We are back!!! The beauty in constructive silence is that afterwards, there are a lot of incredible stuff to be said. Ask Maya Angelou!!! 2016 was a hot mess for me and I decided that 2017 would be different. One year later, I have been stretched in ways I thought impossible and tasted life in its most exotic flavours. I have experienced major changes in career, launched projects and killed them, read over 30 books, consumed over 130 transformational multimedia resources, learned from world-class coaches, written a memoir (don't wait up for publishing just yet), written more poetry, had major breakdowns, made fantastic memories etc.
I have risen in my level of consciousness. However, I've also learned that clarity is not as romantic as we envisage it to be and growth doesn't always align with what you imagine it to be.
Having interacted with hundreds of brilliant people this year, I can say that there's more commonality in our humanity than you can imagine. Hence, I've decided to share some of my most compelling experiences in 2017 through a series on the blog titled "Journey to the Centre of Yourself". This will transcend self awareness, mental patterns, career, startups and life in between, as I experienced it.
The first post is up and the link is in my bio. You may also copy http://www.negrifille.com/2017/12/14/the-journey-to-the-centre-of-yourself-series-the-introduction-ep-1/ into your browser
My latest post for Pulse is up and it's titled: THAT MARRIAGE! It addresses our societal natural expectations of the girl child. This society; ours, is yet to evolve to the point to agree that following your dreams before marriage doesn't make you more 'ambitious' than the rest. And being smart, brilliant and an overall amazing person doesn't make bride price collection the next agenda on the list. Forgetting that you deserve so much more thereby making most people settle for less than they deserve all in the name of fear and having a stable sex life; ignoring the fact that getting fucked is great, but there might be no redemption from being fucked over. The societal natural inclinations towards marriage which leads to the greatest mistake any woman can make which is giving up her dreams because a man doesn't understand them or because the society frowns upon her believes and strategies.
Please do read, share and let me know your thoughts. LINK IN BIO and oh;
P.S: Here is my favourite instagram couple: @timi_dorgu @ife_x They make love look too easy. Cheers to your now and forever🍻😍
and to the girl all my love poems are about.
Art by @neofries