I really hate feeling this way. Like I’m alone when I’m not. Like I’m never going to be happy even if things are going mildly okay. Like it will always be this way. Like no one cares and no one ever will. Like I am a broken nobody, and a cause that is already lost. Nothing is okay. I’ve waited years, and still, nothing feels okay.... #overthinkingkills
Do you ever wonder how much you exist in other people's lives? I'm always curious if people think of me when a certain song comes on, or when they passed thru' a certain town. I wonder how many stories I've been a part of that I may have forgotten. I wonder if I still exist in the minds of people that I don't speak to anymore. I wonder how many times a day I pass thru' someone's head. I wonder... argh! #overthinkingkills#3amthoughts
The thing is, I know myself through and through. I know how my mind works and the things I will do that I can't control. I know that when I do certain things I'm going bad again and I know what to do to fix it.
For example, I know that I now text you a lot but suddenly it will stop because I will have realized I'm better off without you and you won't have heard me for weeks when one day you will receive a text that says that I miss you. And if you answer that text everything will start again but if you don't I can keep moving on.
And I know that since this week I have to watch out because I'm going really bad again.. I know that because I can't sleep at night and because I sleep during the day and because all I do is stare at the wall and think.
And I know that I now say I don't believe in love and that I don't want it anymore but when I'm over you I will search for it again.
And I know that years from now I will still think about you from time to time and some days I will still have the urge to text you to maybe meet sometime.
And these are just a couple of things I know that are going on right now, things I know I can't stop in this moment but I will just have to go through and wait till they are over.
I know myself and I can tell you what will happen before it even started. And I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad because it's not because I know it will happen that I can stop it.. I can only watch myself do the things I know I shouldn't do and hope for the best..
A few tough weeks at work where I have been overthinking situations and got myself into a place where I have not been myself. But things look better now #overthinkingkills#anixetysucks
I looked at our photo's and suddenly I couldn't breathe.. I couldn't breathe and my whole body started shaking and I couldn't make it stop.. I took the stuffed animal you gave me and I just sat there on the ground crying and shaking and I couldn't stop..
I thought to myself "If I don't believe in love, why does it hurt so much...?"
I remembered the last time I cried this hard.. I tried to kill myself that evening.. I thought about it tonight.. But I remembered that I overcame it twice already so I could do it again.
I told myself I would never love anyone again because it only hurts. Love fucking hurts like nothing else in this world.. I can't do it anymore, I can't feel this pain again, I won't let anyone in ever again. No one will hurt me again.
The only thing we need is ourselves and a handful of friends and family.
But maybe someone who loves us too..
I didn't say I wouldn't let anyone love me again, I just said that I would never open my heart to get to attached to another person again. No one is ever stealing my heart again because for what I've learned the only thing people do with it once they have it is destroy it. No one is going to destroy my heart again.
My walls are up, the guards are ready and anyone who tries to get in will be shot at till they run the other way.
Congratulations on being the one who finally broke my last piece of hope..
I hope she's worth it.
I personally and many friends of mine have jeopardized things from #overthinking . Just slow things down and trust the process. For me it’s always been with regards to career, relationships, and pretty much anything i care about. Don’t get so obsessed with the destination that you can’t enjoy the journey. #overthinkingKills